Why Me?

I was 19 years old, in my second year of college, and I was dating.  I met my boyfriend at 18, the summer before the first semester.  I was so glad he was willing to do long distance.  More importantly he was willing to date by my rules.  You know the rules?!  No long kissing, no touching below the belt, no long hugs, no phone calls after 11pm, no late night movies in the dark, and NO SEX!  Of course there were more rules but those were the basics.  He knew them, he understood them, and he honored them.

One day my knight in shining armor came to visit me.  Only this time, was different.  The armor I had appreciated him for came off and like the guys I had talked to before, here came the INFAMOUS QUESTION & STATEMENT:  “Why must you have all these rules? If you love me then you know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you”.  

It was like clock work, every time I was either talking to a guy or dating a guy there would come this moment in our relationship.  The moment I call the WEARY moment. It was the moment in which I was shown, we were not running the same race.  It was when I knew, in my heart, they could not longer see the finish line.  They did not understand why I did what I did.  

But why me?!  But why?!  Why Me?!  For days, I asked myself this question.  I was all alone.  I was struggling and I didn’t understand why I had to be the one that was different.  Why couldn’t I go party like everyone else?  Why couldn’t I go make out with the guys?  Why couldn’t I do something with my boyfriend and create stories like the ones I heard from my friends?

From that question and that statement the ball was always in my court. I had a decision to make.  We would always break up or stop talking.  Now mind you, I wasn’t this holier than thou, 100% sold out for Jesus, young adult.  At least not yet!  I was still a work in progress! But I knew, that there were some things I just couldn’t and wouldn’t do.  The foundation of faith that I had been taught, I clung on to dearly in moments like this.

The faith was all I had.  But each time, it became harder and harder.  It became harder and harder to believe that the wait would be worth it.  Why me Lord?  Why was it ok for other “Christian” girls to date and do things with their boyfriends and not me?  Why did I have these rules?  

I was young, I was hurt and I was lonely.  These times were not happy times and I was a frequent flyer at Walgreens with a first class ticket to the kleenex isle.  I wanted to give up, but I just couldn’t!  Every time, I was close to the end, of giving up, God would send a person to encourage me.  I would get a text, I would get a FB message, and back then, an IM ( AOL Instant Message).  They would be RIGHT ON TIME!  That’s how I knew it was God!  Like come on JESUS!  When I was no longer listening, He would always use people to speak to me.  I knew HE LOVED ME to go through so much to get my attention and that encouraged me!
So why me Lord?  Why not me!  WHY NOT YOU?  God has a special calling and assignment for each of us in our lifetime.  He knows how many hairs are on our heads.  That is LOVE!  He loves us and wants only the best for us.  I can honestly say, from experience, even at my lowest, He made me feel special and I know my best is yet to come.  I look back and am so grateful He kept me and protected me from so much!  I am so thankful that even when I was not faithful, He was!  I am thankful He chose me to live this life!  God has chosen you TOO!! Be encouraged!  Dont ask Why Me? Say Why Not Me!

2 thoughts on “Why Me?

  1. I looked at other ‘Christian girls’ too. And followed and it was so much hurt hurt wish I hadnt followed.

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