Temptation

As I sit and watch Tyler Perry’s Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor, I scoff at the critics who gave this movie so many negative reviews. Their predominate reason for the bad reviews were because the star actress of the movie, who cheats on her husband, is “punished” by contracting HIV during her affair. It is seen as a far-fetched outcome. Why wouldn’t it be? America promotes “sidechicks”. It’s all over reality TV and nobody is seen catching disease. But as I go deeper into mental assent, I think about how easily I could have been the star of this movie.    

Thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts…

“Once your mind is gone, your body will soon follow”(Jessica Janniere, www.Lookupandbeyond.com). The enemy would like nothing more than to take over your mind. It is our mind that controls our life. This is why it is so important to keep our mind renewed in Christ daily. THIS IS SERIOUS!  No “l0ls” here. Losing your mind can have you feeling things and doing things you never imagined.

This movie could have easily been named Tyler Perry’s Temptation: Confessions of a Guidance Counselor. It had so much truth in it. Truth of how temptation can overtake you with just a thought. The main character, a Christian, 25 year old, married young adult comes in contact with a man, other than her husband, who pursues her until he makes her his. I was not married but, I was a Christian, 25 year old young adult and I came in contact with a man, not my husband who was determined to pursue me until I was his.

Tyler Perry’s movie starts off with the male antagonist playing nice. Asking questions and making statements that intrigue the mind of this young woman. She did not immediately fall for him or cheat on her husband but she did not kill the thoughts. By not killing those thoughts, she eventually began cheating on her husband and went into a world of craziness she couldn’t escape.

This was my life! I couldn’t escape, not on my own. If it had not been for God providing a way out.

Thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts…

I remember thinking this man was going to be my husband. He checked off on my list of requirements. I met him in seminary, he spoke Hebrew and Greek, he worked in youth ministry, he was 6ft 5in and he was an ex marine (FIT!!!). I was in love with this “gift from God” and I had not even opened the box. I had found the one! We talked. We began dating and without me even noticing, I began loosening up my “rules” concerning this “man of God”. I felt he was my husband, so I ignored all the signs and signals.

I remember having a conversation with one of my big sisters and her asking- did I pray and ask God if he was my husband. (Side note: this is why it is important to have good Godly people in your corner who will not just agree with you but, correct you when needed!) I hadn’t prayed about it. I had to be honest. My big sis warned me: no calls, no visits, until I knew. After the conversation, I prayed and asked God if he was my husband and never had I gotten an answer so quick! God said No! I was devastated, I was hurt.

Thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts…

My next step wasn’t what you might think It was. I was in love. I knew what I prayed and what God said but I couldn’t break up with him. I convinced myself that I heard wrong. So I stayed.  Months went by and I felt God tugging on me. I couldn’t shake it, but I stayed. Why? Because my thoughts were on being married and no matter what it took or what I had to do, I was willing to make it work with him.

Then everything collapsed. One night I visited his apartment. He called and said he wanted us to spend some time together and he wanted to make dinner at his apartment. We had been dating for a while so I trusted him not to do anything. Dinner was good and while he started cleaning up the table, he began asking me questions about marriage.  He wanted to know how I knew I would be ready etc. I answered with elation. He was hitting my emotional spot and I was enjoying the conversation more and more.

Thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts…

Next came the movie. To make a long story short, we ended up on the couch kissing. It was beginning to feel like we were going somewhere I had not intended and I pulled back, told him we have to stop.  He told me he was going to be my husband, he said he wouldn’t hurt me, he asked me if I trusted him. Boy, was my mind gone. We had just talked marriage, he was in it for the long haul, so I listened and we continued kissing. Then he grabbed my arm and said come with me, pointing to his room.  I was shocked, I was scared, so many mixed emotions. I told him I couldn’t and that we should stay out on the couch. To no avail, he always had an answer to my apprehensions. His response to that hesitation, “I want to show you my album of photos from being in the military.”

Thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts…

I know, I know, Shanay don’t do it! Yes, I was not thinking clearly so I went in the room. Sitting on the corner of his bed waiting for the album, he actually pulled it out and we spent some time looking through pictures. He was good at what he did. As my nerves calmed and my defenses dropped, I felt him start looking at me differently. The energy totally shifted, and as a Christian, 25 year old virgin, I had officially found myself in enemy territory, seemingly without Jesus, whom I rejected months ago when it came to this situation. There was a look in his eyes I had never seen before. It was like I was prey and he was a hungry lion. Instantly, I became scared. Heart beating fast, I didn’t know what to do. I began crying, it was just my reaction. It might have been the Holy Spirit inside of me weeping. I just remember saying “I can’t, I can’t , I can’t.” He looked at me and I felt he was going to pounce on me at any moment. Eyes closed, preparing myself as best I could for what was about to happen, 30 seconds passed, and nothing. When I opened my eyes I saw he had walked out of the room. He put his coat on and said let’s go I’m taking you home.

Thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts

That night I cried and cried some more. How did I let myself end up compromised? This 6ft5 ex-marine could have done whatever to me. I was heart broken. I thought he understood. Why would he even look at me like that? Why would I put myself in that predicament? My mind.

Thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts…

I asked God for one more favor. Like the apartment experience wasn’t enough, I needed one more sign to know this man was not my husband. “God, let me know that it wasn’t just a horrible set of circumstances”. God, my loving God, answered. Two days after the apartment experience I get a random text from his phone stating he gave another woman an STD and to stay away from him. I was so confused. Why would he send me that? I called him and he said a woman had taken his phone and sent out that mean text message ( Yeah ok! Why was there a woman next to your phone to take it? Why did you not deny the STD?)

Thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts…

That was it! The end. All she wrote! This was a very hard breakup for me! I had given my mind over to my desire to be married instead of keeping my mind in Christ. I could have found myself really messed up. God protected me through it all. How close I came to being the real life story Tyler Perry could have based his movie off of. Shanay Freeman was a victim of temptation.  My temptation was not for sex, it was for control. I was tempted to take control over my life just like Eve in the garden, when she decided to bite the apple.  Control over my life is the worst thing I could ever want but it is something we are all tempted with. Through this story and others, I have come to the stark realization that I don’t want control, I want peace. I want the peace that comes through the good and bad times knowing that God is in control….

If you see yourself in my story or identify with anything I shared , remember God loves you and He holds no records of rights or wrongs. If you know you shouldn’t be in a relationship GET OUT NOW!.. This is your sign you may have been looking for! Daily you must keep your mind renewed and focused on the things of the Lord. Protect your mind it is sacred.

Thank you for reading and I pray this blessed you or encouraged some of you to get out of a bad situation or beware of entering into one.

#BeCHIC #BeEncouraged

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5 thoughts on “Temptation

  1. Such a blessing to read such a testimony! I pray God will continue to use you to continue blessing those in need! Love you girl!!

  2. This post was everything!!!!! I pray that many will break up and get out of any ungodly relationships because of this blog/post. Thanking God for you bestie!!!

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